life, Uncategorized

The Silent Witnesses

I have just had a video pop up on my Facebook with a girl being beaten up on public transport. The worst part was the fact a witness filmed the whole incident and there were many more people there, yet no one stepped in to help the poor girl.

Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario and I’m saying this from experience. Less than a year ago I was sexually assaulted on a train coming home from university. The male in question had me pinned to the side of the train trying to kiss me, tried putting his hand between my legs and even grabbed my hand and shoved it in his mouth. I shouted at him to stop. I shouted ‘no.’ People were looking – in fact the train was completely packed full of people, yet no one tried to help me. I went to the police, who had CCTV evidence but it only showed the tops of our heads because of the placement of the camera and no witnesses came forward. Due to this he completely got away with it, as the case was dropped due to ‘lack of evidence’ despite the DNA samples I gave.

Unbeknownst to him I actually suffer from depression and anxiety, so what he did completely broke me. I got nightmares that he was going to track me down and kill me and the thought of getting on another train left me with panic attacks. It took about a month for me to get back on a train as I had no other choice – I would have failed university otherwise and I couldn’t let him control my life. I still shake now when I’m on the train and never feel safe until I am off it and in my boyfriend’s car.

I hate him for what he did to me, but it isn’t just him that I remember. I still remember the faces of the people who stood by and did nothing. My dad was actually angrier at the witnesses than the guy, as they were the people who were meant to have morals and know right from wrong. He often states ‘what if it had been their child? How would they feel if a whole crowd of people sat back and allowed that to happen to their child?’ Are they just as guilty?

life, sad

Feeling used

We all have that one friend don’t we? The one where friendships are only important if there is no guy on the scene.
She was my best friend in school and I had no doubts at all that she would be in my life forever. We were so close and did everything together. Once school was over we both went off to college and she met a guy there. I soon became a part of the background sharing texts every so often and nothing more. Two years later she went off to university and they got engaged. She came back home for a few days and messaged asking to meet up. I was straight round her house and we didn’t leave each other’s side for two days. It was just like old times. She went back and then a few weeks later was home again asking me to come over. Turns out that her boyfriend cheated on her and they’d split so she was only in need of me during the rocky patch. We were seeing each other every single day and then she went all quiet. About a week later her relationship status changed to in a relationship with this new guy and I haven’t heard from her since!
Definitely feeling like a doormat.


Halloween Anxiety

So yesterday my sister dressed up as a corpse bride and I took her trick or treating around our local area. A few houses in we knocked on one door and waited and a lady opened the letter box, looked straight at my sister and shook her head ‘no thank you.’ My sister’s confidence was knocked straight away and she was so upset and embarrassed that she wanted to go home – she was nervous enough about knocking on random doors as it was. I knocked on the doors after for her but she still had lost the magical feeling and wasn’t into it anymore. One kind lady even gave her extra sweets in apology for the lady that knocked her back. Please consider the confidence of kids! I would much rather you ignore the door than answer it and embarrass my sister.


Being sad about Cecil the lion doesn’t make me a hypocrite

I am so sad to read so many people who are vegan claiming that non-vegans have no right to mourn the loss of Cecil the lion, as it makes us hypocritical. I am here to express my opinion of my beliefs and stick up for what I believe in – I don’t want any hate for it, I just want people to understand.

I eat meat, but the hunting of Cecil the lion was very upsetting for me. I actually am qualified to work with animals – I have worked at a vets, on a farm and even went to South Africa where I experienced working with the animals at Shamwari Game Reserve – whilst I was there I managed to find and dispose of three animal traps. I stick up for animals rights, signed many petitions over my lifetime including to stop the hunting of foxes and the destruction of animal habitats. I’ve applied to foster cats and kittens, although my house wasn’t considered suitable for it due to not having a spare bedroom. I have saved birds from the jaws of my cats – I even nursed one back to health. I built it a nest out of shredded paper and fed it. I have helped a dog give birth to puppies and sat with a runaway dog for over two hours waiting for the dog warden to get it and find the owners. Do you still think I’m a bad person?

I do not help animals because it’s the right thing to do, I help them because I want to and because I care. I have a conscience and eating meat does not make me any less of a person. People have eaten meat since the beginning of time, people have used fur to keep warm since the beginning of time. I pay extra for my food, because I always buy food that is ‘free range’ meaning the animal was kept in really good conditions throughout it’s life. I don’t think eating meat is wrong. What I think is wrong is killing animals for the fun of it. Who has the right to go out and kill an animal just because it would look nice as a rug on the floor? Who has the right to kill a tiger for it’s bones as herbal medicine, which isn’t even proven to work? Who has the right to test on animals – lead them to a life of misery until they’re disposed of when there are alternative methods and more then half of the time the results aren’t accurate anyway? Who has the right to lead rhinos to the point of extinction? Who has the right to kill an elephant for it’s tusks to ‘make some money’?

Why are you choosing to mourn the loss of Cecil? I choose to mourn the loss because I don’t understand how there is any good reason for what happened to him and I CERTAINLY DON’T agree with the methods of killing. He was shot with a bow and arrow and was eventually killed 40 hours later and nothing could be worth the suffering he went through. Just like me, Cecil eats meat and yet you still choose to mourn him, how is a lion any better?


Losing Two Parents

So my Nan died yesterday, which I have mentioned in the post before. She was my Dad’s mum and he grew up without a father in his life. About a year or more ago he applied to the Show ‘Long Lost Family’ to track down his father. He was contacted today by the show to tell him that they have found his Dad.. But he basically doesn’t want to know, although he admits he is aware of my dad’s existence. I am so angry at how he could walk away with his own child and when he gets tracked down just run. My dad has lost two parents this week!


My nan – The Lost Fighter

So in a previous post I spoke about how my Nan is in hospital and every time we think we are going to lose her, she all of a sudden improves. My dad was called to the hospital yesterday to say goodbye for the third time this week and sat with her for hours on end. She had definitely worsened, ie she looked asleep but her eyes were open and couldn’t even register when someone was talking to her anymore. He decided to stay with her overnight and they gave him a blanket and a pillow, whilst he sat on the chair next to her bed. She lost her battle at 4:20am.


My nan – the fighter

My nan has now been in hospital for 2/3 weeks after having what we believed to be a stroke, but turned out to be a fit. After running tests on her, they showed my dad a scan of her brain, which half of is shadowed by some sort of lump. They can’t run tests to see if it’s cancer or not as it’s too deep and they don’t want to put her to sleep for fear of her not waking back up. On Saturday I received a call off my dad asking if I wanted to go with him to the hospital as the doctors called him in urgently. They needed to drain her lungs and the next twelve hours were crucial. I decided not to go, so Dad went alone. She survived and outlived the 12 hours, despite no one believing she would. Today I received the urgent phone call again from Dad telling me I needed to get to the hospital to say goodbye. I got there and she couldn’t see anything, her left side seems to be paralysed, can’t talk and trouble breathing. The family crowded round to say goodbye and were there hours but nothing happened. Doctors decided to do some tests on her and turned out that her breathing etc had improved once again! She even managed to say hello to my mum when she walked into the ward. She doesn’t have long left, lumps are coming up daily and the lump in her brain is really affecting her but so far she’s proved to be a fighter and although she likely doesn’t have more than a few days left, we know that she held on as long as she could.