mum

Mum’s Biopsy

Mum is currently on her way to the hospital right now for a biopsy, due to the fact she keeps bleeding and they’ve found the lining of her womb to be too thick. They are going to check for any abnormalities and also for cancer.

She seems to think that she’s been given a death sentence already. She’s already told me that she would want me to live in Nan’s old house (my nan died 7 years back, but the house is still in the family, being rented out,) spoken to my sister about living arrangements, as she’s only 11 – She decided that she’d want to live with me and see her dad weekends, and Mum made me promise that if anything happens to her, to go on and live a full, happy life without her. She has also decided the fact that her friends are giving her presents and sending her sweet texts is a bad omen. I’m now rethinking the fact that I have bought her presents for her bravery for when she gets home.

I now have a long wait, as she and a few other women have been given the same time slot and whoever arrives first gets to have their procedure first, so she could go in straight away, or she could be waiting for an hour. The not knowing is the worst part. I’ve messaged her to let me know when it’s her time, but she hasn’t replied yet, so either hasn’t checked her phone or hasn’t got any signal.

The worst part is that I’m actually terrified. I’m sat here having panic attack after panic attack and crying, even though it’s pretty much a routine procedure. I know she’ll be home in a couple of hours, but it’s all so surreal and I can’t imagine ever having to face the prospect of losing my mum.

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nan

My nan – The Lost Fighter

So in a previous post I spoke about how my Nan is in hospital and every time we think we are going to lose her, she all of a sudden improves. My dad was called to the hospital yesterday to say goodbye for the third time this week and sat with her for hours on end. She had definitely worsened, ie she looked asleep but her eyes were open and couldn’t even register when someone was talking to her anymore. He decided to stay with her overnight and they gave him a blanket and a pillow, whilst he sat on the chair next to her bed. She lost her battle at 4:20am.

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Tom in hospital

I went to see Tom at six yesterday evening, as I had to wait until my Grandad had finished work. I was there for two hours, as visiting hours stopped at eight. I was shocked at how good he looked when I walked in. I was expecting the works, such as black eyes. He had a mark from his seatbelt on one shoulder, his legs were black and blue, a sling on one arm and cuts up one side of his face, but considering that he had been in a crash that had nearly ended his life, he looked really good!
It was scary seeing him led there in a hospital bed. When his mum and stepdad left the room, I burst into tears. He told me that everything was going to be okay and held my hand. We had a few jokes about his bed hair and the fact he ordered garden peas and garlic bread for dinner. We also spoke serious too, at how he thought he was going to die and that if he survived I would leave him!
I don’t know why he thought I could ever leave him. I care about him so much and the fact he’s been through what he has, is just going to make us stronger!
He rang me that night; his mum had bought him a pay as you go phone, as he didn’t have signal on his other one. We spoke about the future; how we were going to have a Husky, Swedish Vallhund, a Pomeranian and lots of cats!
He was meant to have an operation at 2am, but it got cancelled. The longer the operation takes, the longer he’ll be in hospital and it’s difficult for me to get there and back.
It’s his birthday today; I’m not going to see him today, but I left him a bag of letters, cards and presents when I left yesterday, so he opened that this morning and sent me a text thanking me and telling me how much he loves me.

For the first two posts click the links below:
https://therantdiarydotcom.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/tom-3/
http://randommstuffblah.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/update-on-tom/

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Tom <3

I find it hard to fall for people, because I know how much it hurts when they leave. I’ve been seeing Tom for two months now and for the first time ever I have had no doubts. He always puts me first. He asked me to go out with him last night and I said no… If only I did, maybe I could have prevented what happened. I got a text at 3’o clock this morning off of his mum to say that he has been in a car accident and is in hospital. He’s going for x-rays and surgery, as he has a broken elbow and some hairline fractures on his backbone. She said that he swerved to avoid a car and hit a tree.
He’s alive.
I’m sat at home petrified, because I can’t get to the hospital to see him, as he is in a different hospital to the one where I live. I have to go by texts his mum sends me, keeping me updated and reassuring me that he is okay. Apparently he is having a sleep at the moment. The worst part is, that I know if it was me in that hospital bed, he would be straight there at my side and I really wish I could do the same for him.
I’m sat here crying, hoping and praying that he is okay and I just wish I could be with him now, letting him know that I’ll be by his side the whole time.
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I’m the one on the top middle and Tom is on the right.

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