We overcame hurdle number one: long-distance during a pandemic. It took us eight months to find a house, my girlfriend to secure a job here and for us to finally be together after more months of us not being together than being together. Her job was good. Trying to start a career in an industry hard to break into, my pay was and is nowhere near enough to cover us both. But my job didn’t need to pay well. My job was pocket money, which paid all my bills (phone etc), the rest going into savings towards a house deposit. Between us, we could reach up to, and sometimes beyond, £3,000 a month. We were more than comfortable.
What we weren’t expecting was my girlfriend’s boss’s charming ways revealing themselves to be a cover for his misogynistic/narcissistic ways. After months of friendship between my girlfriend and her boss, within weeks, he became the enemy. A man of empty promises and selfishness. A man who would do anything for you, to purely money-driven. He broke my girlfriend down bit by bit. It started with a promised pay rise he didn’t deliver. She worked for months doing deliveries in a tiny car, having to go back to the depot countless times daily to collect deliveries. She picked up after other couriers, often delivering more parcels than anyone else working there. Her pay rise was because she “deserved it”. He promised a 10p rise per parcel, knocked it down to 5p. We were fine with that… he took on three more drivers and started their pay at the exact pay he’d promoted her to. It was a kick in the teeth after months of him saying she’s his favourite, his hardest worker, promises of training for her to have managerial qualities under him, making her able to run the depot on his absences. It was more hurtful than anything. But we brushed it off.
Around that same time, my girlfriend developed tendinitis in her wrist. Upon having it looked at, she was told she needed to rest it for at least three days. If she didn’t, she could end up needing injections in it or even an operation. He made it pretty clear it was a no-go. She was in severe pain, couldn’t lift parcels, struggled to use her handbrake or change gear. I ended up having to take a week off work. I get monthly deadlines, so I just have to complete all my hours within a month. By taking this week off, I fell massively behind. There were more talks for time off, all met with a response of, “Take some paracetamol”. During this time, he was allowing another employee to have as many days off as they wanted so they could sell Christmas trees. After a week, I couldn’t give any more of my time. My girlfriend spoke to her boss, saying he was putting my job in jeopardy. Ever the nice guy, he said, “Oh well, you earn more than her anyway. You can support you both if she loses her job”.
His true colours were now showing. He didn’t see her as a friend; he saw her as money. Being his top-earning employee, if she took time off, he’d lose money and have to pick up the slack himself. Which he wasn’t prepared to do.
We tried to ignore things, depression setting in for both. My girlfriend felt like she’d not only been taken for a fool and been promised the earth, she’d also lost who she thought was a friend. We had to be logical. We had to remember we were adults with bills to pay and a roof to keep over our heads. No matter how low we felt, we had to continue.
But the unsettling behaviour and lack of empathy continued. My girlfriend arrived in the depot one day to a packet of batteries because “you’re a lesbian. Lesbians need batteries because they all have toys, right?” to him sitting around, watching everyone work, laughing at how “I make all this money just by sitting on my ass.”
And after months of my girlfriend begging for a day off after Christmas to go and see her family for the first time in months, as she’d relocated to be with me, he made it pretty clear it probably wouldn’t happen. And then gave another employee a day off for his birthday. Sick to death of his treatment, I told her she needed to fight. So, the next day she told him she would be having a day off. The day off was a bank holiday anyway—a day he’d told her she wouldn’t be working. Delivering parcels from 9 a.m. until 5/6 p.m., he told her, “Go, do what you want, but you’ll be coming back to double the work the next day because I won’t be sorting cover for you.” As the employee who covered all other absences as well as her own work, who could he rely on with her gone?
An out was offered to her: a different route to deliver on within the company. After months of tears and stress, we had a decision to make. Did we continue because of the money or leave for the sake of our mental health? We took it, knowing we’d take a hit financially. The hit was much worse than we expected.
To top off the financial hit, her ex-boss decided he would not be paying her her final wage. She’s tried messaging him and gets ignored. He finally responded to say he wanted it all invoiced for him. We sent the invoice, he argued the amount he owed. When we sent back proof, he started ignoring again. We’ve seen him in person, where he’s promised to pay ASAP and then avoided us since. We’ve taken it higher within the company. Every time we try and ask if there are any developments: “Keep us updated your end”. Well, there’s nothing to update you on. He hasn’t paid and he isn’t going to, what are you going to do about it?
Due to the pay cut and thanks to the ex-boss, we are thousands into our savings. We’ve been looking for job after job to bulk our money and haven’t got anywhere. If things aren’t sorted within the next two months, we’re going to lose our house.
Unfortunately, we were given choices where we were going to lose either way. I’m not sure what we do from here.
The Temperamental Introvert 